DON’T YOU JUST LOVE IT when that carefully scripted address, delivered by a seriously pretentious stuffed-shirt, and eminently self-serving politician, is met only with raised British eyebrows, turning heads, and the spontaneous pursed lips of each audience member as they turn to their neighbour for assistance in politely suppressing the welling laughter that threatens to overtake them.
If ever there was a generic trait which identified the nature of what it is to be British, it is surely that innate ability to call upon all of one’s willpower with the magnanimous intention of sparing another’s embarrassment. That generic trait, which may not permit us to prevent the tears from forming in our eyes, but which, with the help of a deep breath, permits us to take control of our emotions and reply, if asked about our short loss of composure, that ‘your speech actually moved me to tears.’ Then, as our inquisitor nods wisely, we and those listening can bring out the hankies and turn away, reinforcing those orators’ self-assurance that their skills really do have the ability to sway an audience.
There is nothing more precious to the British soul than preserving all the best jokes, so that they might be fully enjoyed by others – and patting us on the shoulder, whilst we are forced to blow our nose, really does help anchor our behaviour…
Sweet Jesus, I do not think that my ribs can sustain another battering in 2015, as they have been forced to endure in the past few months. The contortions that all political parties have engaged in as a result of UKIP’s rise in the polls have left me crying and panting for breath – and when I read recently of the Green Party SURGE that has overtaken the plummeting Liberal Democrats, I sincerely thought I was going to have a heart attack.
Trust the Guardian to invert the obvious as a means of perpetuating its political spin…
Life is too precious to be taken seriously. My Welsh grandfather once told me: ‘You die if you worry; you die if you don’t,’ and we can all learn from his Celtic wisdom. I have never taken myself seriously, and those that do have always generated a great deal of curiosity in me – in addition to unlimited personal amusement.
It is the serious people that we have to watch if we wish to be free to express ourselves and experience life to the full; because it is the serious people who believe they have the secret, and therefore the right, to impose restrictions upon our God given free will to manufacture a society in their own image – and not in the image of the spirit that inhabits it.
Serious people have a plan, and always seek to impose it; but they never consider the needs of others. When the plan does not work, they seek to identify reasons, and then impose other restrictions, which were not part of the blueprint, as a means of forcing their desired outcome.
They never scrap the plan and start over – and that is what makes them so amusing. They cannot see that any plan is bound to fail – unless it has been approved by all those whom will be affected.
The interesting thing about plans and democracy, is that, over time, their marriage actually fragments society – and in direct proportion to the implementation of further restrictive laws in pursuit of a political party’s unchanged objective. One of the main reasons why no right wing political party is any longer able to move society towards its own plans is that it fails to repeal the laws imposed by the previous left wing government that were designed to complete its own plan for utopia. It does not matter what the different leaders wish to achieve, the public have been coerced into two different directions – and no single government is in power long enough to reverse those established momentums.
The perfect example of this is Political Correctness, in which terms used by the older generation were banned in our schools; but retained by those no longer in education. Our politicians chose to redirect precious police resources from serious crime towards infantile considerations of banning words from the English Dictionary so that hatred could no longer be expressed in harmless terms; but its legislation forced those who needed to express those emotions into employing physical methods instead. It is an essential part of the British character to only resort to force as a last resort to dissuade others from interfering with their lives or threatening them; but, in banning our evolved vocabulary, which supplemented that aim, the planners have forced us to respond to threats in the same way as other, more primitive societies.
If a foreigner should threaten my wife, I can no longer humiliate him into withdrawing and spare him physical pain – the politicians have ensured I have no option but to physically engage him to remove his threat instead. The fact that I never need to deter a brother Brit, and have therefore not evolved a derogative to use, does not enter their seriously limited mentalities.
Serious people take serious objection to anything that they consider might threaten their detailed plans; but they live such an insular existence that they never consider why the world has evolved in a particular manner – and never think through the actions that they propose. They construct their plans from what others report as facts – but they never take the time to consider what they have been told in its proper context, because they do not have the courage to engage with the real world so that others might see them for the knaves that they really are. Instead of placing themselves in the shoes of a young girl faced with a foreign hand up her skirt, they would rather indoctrinate her to say nothing than permit her to resort to a vernacular alarm that her race has evolved to bring others to her assistance.
Sticks and stones will always hurt bones, when no names exist to replace them.
Like the child who hides its head beneath its sheets at night, fearful of the bogeyman that resides in its head, the political classes hide beneath the warm woolly layers of Westminster, attempting to reconstruct the outside world in their own image, so that they might eventually find the courage to venture forth and stretch their legs.
Creation’s joke has always been upon those who seek to limit the freedom of others. It has always been upon those who seek to misuse their power to create what nature has denied them; but the biggest joke, which it reserves for those that are its subjects, is the realisation that, had they taken the time to listen, they could have averted their humiliation: not once; but many, many times over.
Knaves are cursed to hear what they want to hear, and see what they want to see.
Perhaps the most amusing thing about our politicians is the way that their mind-set has been increasingly limited to focus upon just one thing: money. Whatever the problem, whatever the plan, the solution is always to provide more money. When the NHS is in crisis, or our schools have too few teachers: the response is to provide more money. When our armed forces are despatched into combat without the necessary hardware, when the quality of management is revealed to be embarrassingly poor, when Scotland threatens to leave the Union: each solution is to provide more money in the hope that the problem will go away. Apart from establishing numerous committees and public enquires to discover ‘lessons that need to be learned’ politicians never DO anything. Instead they legislate to penalise similar actions in future, while permitting the unresolved problem to remain.
Money, it seems, solves everything – in the utopia of Westminster – because that reflects the nature of our politicians’ privileged world. However, in the real world, individuals invent new solutions, or revert to tried and trusted methods to repair any problem that impedes them. In the real world, individuals make use of what nature has given them to provide solutions of their own.
You cannot solve homelessness by providing the needy with the money to purchase accommodation without pushing up rents and forcing others to become homeless. You cannot solve third world hunger by providing them the money to buy more food without pushing up the price of food for everyone and drawing hunger to your own shores. You cannot legislate against human nature or enact laws against the many to privilege the chosen few, because all power rests with the many – and all laws require the respect of the many if they are ever to be upheld.
Money never provides a solution. It is just the means through which Mother Nature delivers her finest jokes.
Any small business owner knows that a lack of customers indicates a major problem with the goods or services being supplied; but the politicians have read no such message from the numbers of voters deserting the polling stations. Instead they have chosen not to listen, snuggled further down into their comfort blankets, and denied there is any problem at all. They have convinced themselves that only they hold the secret to the way others should act, so that their god-like self-images might be preserved and society made to become just like them – rather than choosing to become part of the society that bore them. They mistake seriousness for humour, and do not have the courage to engage with the real world.
Every Pantomime reaches a successful conclusion, so prepare to retake your seats as the curtains rise on the final four acts of our political knaves – and we make way for a really amusing 2015.
Chin chin, and a very Happy New Year!..